Archive | Certified Ass Clowns RSS feed for this section

Presenting This Month’s Daily Double Douchebag Edition of Certified Ass Clowns …Bitch Ass George Zimmerman and His “Rent-A-Coon” Joe Oliver Continue To Whore For Right-Wing Propaganda { @sh_digest, #justicefortreyvon, #georgezimmerman, #joeoliver }

30 Mar shd ass clown of the month


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

Your animation

So Twitter is responding to George Zimmerman’s father’s interview on Fox with perhaps the most equitable inappropriate and funny hashtag I’ve seen in quite some time.  I don’t find it myself laughing as much as I am appreciating the complete dearth of credibility in George Zimmerman’s story.  I’m hopeful for an arrest soon provided that is not the end of the story.

via babyboygreen:

http://www.v7n.com/forums/attachments/graphic-design-forum/1029d1121804285-ass-clown-award-assclown.jpg

WARNING: :warning:Certified Ass Clown Alert!!!:warning:

According To a Friend, George Zimmerman ‘Couldn’t Stop Crying’ After Killing Trayvon Martin via Gawker

Joe Oliver, Zimmerman’s friend of six years, also attempts to reveal more about the man, who has gone into hiding since the Feb. 26 incident.

image via weian- fu

Oliver told Good Morning America that Zimmerman “couldn’t stop crying” in the days after he’d killed Trayvon, and also suggested that the reality of what he’s done is just beginning to sink in:

Just now he’s becoming aware of how big this has gotten, and that’s why he contacted [lawyer Craig Sonner]. I spoke to him for the first time yesterday, briefly, and it’s just starting to sink in. Up until this point, because he was there and he knows what happened, and because he’s not in jail, he’s been very confident—naively—that this would all blow over. But because only half of the story has gone out, because the evidence won’t be heard until the grand jury convenes, you know, he’s gotta go into hiding. But now he realizes just how big this is.

Oliver also said that he’s “never seen anything” to suggest that Zimmerman is a racist, and also went so far as to suggest that “coon,” the racial epithet heard on the 911 tapes, is actually “goon.” He additionally believes that the screams for help, heard in the background of multiple 911 calls, were coming from Zimmerman. (Other witnesses have claimed otherwise.)

Joe Oliver Exposed via Rolling Out

As previously reported, Joe Oliver told ABC that his friend Zimmerman used a “term of endearment” when he called Martin a “f—— goon” before he shot him, not  a “f—— coon” as many believed.

http://th20.photobucket.com/albums/b236/chchtrain2/th_bitch_please.gif

On March 27, Oliver appeared as a guest on “Last Word” with host Lawrence O’Donell, who accused him of not really knowing Zimmerman.
In a matter of moments, Oliver proved O’Donnell’s point and stumbled over questions about his “close pal”‘ causing O’Donnell to shut him down saying, “You don’t even have a consistent story. You’ve told us you don’t know what his mistakes were; then you tell us he grew from them. There’s so much you don’t know, Joe.”

New York Times columnist Charles Blow who accused Oliver of “playing people like they’re stupid,” and Washington Post columnist Jonathan Capehart also joined in, leaving the former news anchor reeling.

it is not uncommon for former or current professional talking heads to offer their “services” to victim’s families as “family friends” whenever a major news story explodes into the national conscience the way Trayvon’s shooting has.

You would think that the media would be more forthcoming about the fact that they are interviewing one of their own. But they often don’t because they don’t want to jeopardize their access to the victim’s family.

—Sandra Rose News

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

Mattel Debuts The NEW Nicki Minaj Barbie via [#dirtywhorelebrity,#nickiminaj, #barbie]

5 Dec shd nic doll


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!


Self-Hater and Hitler Youth Propagandist Nicki Minaj has been immortalized in wax by Mattel. Her doll, themed around her Pink Friday album, will be auctioned off for charity. All proceeds will benefit Project Angel Food, which provides food for those affected by HIV/AIDS.

#FuckeryandTrickeryImmortalized

http://0.tqn.com/d/desktoppub/1/G/v/L/ht-curlyquotes.gifSo let’s recap, shall we? –> Nicki Minaj has a Barbie alter, a pedophile alter (Roman), a Harajuku alter and sometimes she likes to be referred to as Monica Lewinsky…..SMDH because she prefers to be anything and everything that represents Anglo and hides the beauty that is Onika Tanya Maraj. I guess it’s no longer cool for Black women to be Black Women….*sigh*http://www.stareapresei.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/quotation-marks-p1.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/ca/Left_pointing_double_angle_quotation_mark_blue.svg/110px-Left_pointing_double_angle_quotation_mark_blue.svg.pngvia Dirty Whorelebrity News

Mattel will auction off the Minaj Barbie doll at CharityBuzz.com starting on December 7 until December 19, with bids starting at $1,000.

Tags: #dirtywhorelebrity,#nickiminaj, #barbie, Whitewashing,

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

Enhanced by Zemanta

These Dumb Ass Kids Are Using Vodka Tampons and Beer Butt Bongs! WTF? via [#z6mag, #beerbuttbongs, #vodkatampons, #stupidtrends]

21 Nov shd vodka-tampon


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

Vodka Tampons & Butt Chugging Growing Trend With Teenagers

Posted by Erik Seawright  // Z6 Mag

Yes, you heard that right and your imagination has probably already figured out what is going on here. This bizarre way to get high or drunk isn’t brand new but has been revisited after a news station in Phoenix Arizona covered this new trend is a local hit. The news station, KPHO is on CBS and did a feature video on the new teen trend that includes vodka soaked tampons and beer bongs with liquor instead of beer used straight in the butt.

http://pankme.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/vodka-tampon.jpg

The vodka tampons are prepared by teens ahead of time and used like the common jello shot. Instead of passing around flavored jello shots everyone gets a shot of vodka in a soaked tampon. Each super absorbing tampon holds an entire shot of vodka. When the tampon is inserted in the vagina it is rapidly absorbed into the system and provides a stronger and quicker intoxication than any normal shot of vodka. The boys aren’t left out in this tricky party manevuer, they just take the vodka soaked tampons and insert them rectally for their fast drunk.

Doctors and police have warned this isn’t just fun and games for your next party however, there are risks involved with these methods. In the CBS report they interviewed a doctor named Dan Quan who stated, “It can cause mucosal irritation, meaning the vaginal wall can be irritated.” We are assuming this same irritation can be an issue in anyone’s rectum as well. In addition these health issues there is no barrier or protection from people getting alcohol poisoning.

Alcohol poisoning is much easier to get from alcohol tampons because there is no gag reflex or way for your body to throw up the alcohol you may have over consumed. Alcohol poisoning can lead to death very quickly and is dangerous for your brain, heart and liver. Alcohol soaked tampons are the quickest way to alcohol poisoning because it removes all of your bodies natural defenses.

If this new teenage alcohol binge drinking trend has you scratching your head this isn’t the end of it. Teens are also now using beer bongs in a new way that is called butt chugging. Butt chugging is usually absent of beer and is replaced by shots of liqour straight into the beer bong. The beer bong is inserted in the rectum and absorbed instantly in the colon of the individual. Butt chugging is also a major culprit of alochol poisoning because it eliminates the bodies ability to vomit up the alcohol as well.

Butt chugging was featured on Spike TV’s 1000 Ways to Die on Episode 5 as well. The trendy alcoholic cocktail was called an alcohol enema on this show. The story went that an alcoholic that had just had surgery on his throat was dying for a drink. After the alcoholic begged his wife enough she went into the bathroom and filled the end of an emema bag while the man stood in the shower and had is emema of Sherry straight in his you know what. The man laid down happy as a drunk could be and never woke up again by bypassing his digestive track and getting drunk really quick but getting alcohol poisoning quicker then ever.

Bottom line: Don’t try this at home kids, it’s a deadly way to get a drunk. Whether it’s butt chugging, alcohol enema’s or vodka tampons you’re asking for death, not a good buzz.

Tags:, #z6mag, #beerbuttbongs, #vodkatampons, #stupidtrends, Erik Seawright, teenagers,

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

Certified Ass Clown of The Week is……Kim Kardashian

8 Nov Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

http://www.v7n.com/forums/attachments/graphic-design-forum/1029d1121804285-ass-clown-award-assclown.jpg

WARNING: :warning:Certified Ass Clown Alert!!!:warning:

Narcissists want weddings, not marriage

By Ashley Strickland, Special to CNN
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' wedding was one of the most celebrated events of the year, but it's headed for divorce.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries‘ wedding was one of the most celebrated events of the year, but it’s headed for divorce.

(CNN) — When Kim Kardashian announced her engagement to basketball player Kris Humphries, a public hype began that was only formerly rivaled by the royal wedding in April.

This heralded event was to be America’s own version of the royal wedding, if only in terms of build-up and opulence. Now, 72 days later, the relationship has been given an equally public ending, the wedding fanfare forgotten and replaced with public humiliation.

Best Twitter Reactions To Kim Kardashian’s Divorce

via Buzz Feed

http://www.pocomoketattler.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/assclown.jpg

Kim Kardashian Knocked Off More Handbags For Her Kollection

By Jenna Sauers

  via

Kim Kardashian flew to Australia not only to “escape” media scrutiny following her announcement that she was divorcing her husband of 1728 hours, Kris Humphries: she also went there to launch her Kardashian Kollection handbag line. Which apparently includes the Kardashians’ versions of some of the world’s most knocked-off bags: Balenciaga’s “Part Time,” Chloé’s “Marcie,” and Foley + Corinna’s “City Bag.” Earlier this year, the Kardashian Kollection knocked off a well-known Botkier bag. In the graphic above, each Kardashian Kopy is on the left. Kim kapitalized on the konfusion between kopy and kreation by karrying an actual Balenciaga at her first Australian public appearance.

http://th20.photobucket.com/albums/b236/chchtrain2/th_bitch_please.gif

http://0.tqn.com/d/desktoppub/1/G/v/L/ht-curlyquotes.gifIf there is only one thing the Kardashians are great at, it is faking it until they make it.

I am sure their tacky ripoff line fits in well at Sears, however, since it is being sold alongside bib overalls, camouflage jackets, and baseball caps with little LED lights built in, so you can see better in the crawl space under your house.

Klassy. http://www.stareapresei.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/quotation-marks-p1.jpg

Sponsored By:

http://content.bored.com/photos/assclown%2520cereal.jpg

Tags:certified ass clown, Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries, Occupy Hollywood, sham marriage, publicity stunts, fairytale divorce, kardashian sisters,

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

Occupy Hollywood’s Asshole % Assassinates The Top Celebrity Whores for Propaganda [#occupyhollywood, #ryancasey, #theasshole%, #occupywallstreet, #celebrities]

1 Nov shd occupy kim


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

http://0.tqn.com/d/desktoppub/1/G/v/L/ht-curlyquotes.gifAccording to Webcomic artist Ryan Casey humorous take on the Occupy Wall Street movement, your favorite stars seen above are some of taxpayers who pay less taxes than the middle class. Ryan refers to them as part of the asshole %.

Webcomic artist Ryan Casey tackles the Hollywood elite with his comic strip parodies of the #Occupy Wall Street protests.

In his hilarious comic series, Casey shouts out the privileged, narcissistic, wealthy Hollywood elite, referring to them as the “asshole %” — a pun on the top 1% of taxpayers who pay less taxes than the middle class.

His hit list includes Beyonce, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Chaz Bono — and our personal favorite: Anderson Cooper.http://www.stareapresei.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/quotation-marks-p1.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/ca/Left_pointing_double_angle_quotation_mark_blue.svg/110px-Left_pointing_double_angle_quotation_mark_blue.svg.pngvia Sandra Rose News

butyourelikereallypretty.com  /  via clutchmagonline.com

Tags: #occupyhollywood, #ryancasey, #occupywallstreet, #protests, #theasshole%, #celebrities, #sandrarose, Ryan Casey, Occupy Hollywood, unfair taxation, #poverty, Sandra Rose News, I am The Asshole %, protests, politics, failing economy, greed, fame whores, recession,

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

WTF??!!! Pre-Gargled White Power Milk … The NEW Creepy Ass Hipster Racist Trend via [#xojane, #cat, #whitepowermilk, #racistfuckery,#certifiedassclowns, #bestscams]

27 Sep shd gargleMouthJill_large


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

HOT RIGHT NOW: White Supremacy Milk, Pre-Gargled By Your Choice of Foxy Caucasian Girls!

I categorized this under “Fun” because …. I didn’t know how else to categorize it.

Tastes like racism!Tastes like racism!

Do you ever totally get cravings for Aryan-nation approved pure, creamy white milk, gargled and then spat out by a young, sexy white girl, then hand-delivered to you anywhere in New York City (and overnighted anywhere else in the United States), all for the low, low cost of, like, $125? Four gel-packs ensure that your freshly “purified” White Power Milk (available in one or two-mouthful quantities) arrives ice-cold, not unlike the frigid heart of a particularly gorgeous and nubile young Nazi.

What kind of milk-gargler are you getting for your money? Well:

“Through extensive recruitment within the upper echelons of society, we deliver the finest milk purified in a way only we can. Our secret ingredient is in the process through which rich, beautiful, white girls gargle your milk to absolute perfection. It’s her touch that sets us far above the rest. Our diverse selection includes West Coast, The South, New England, New York, and London. Each of the carefully selected girls offer subtle differences of background, yet what they share is most important. All are waiting to clean your milk with their mouths. That is our promise to you!

To be eligible to filter White Power Milk, each white girl must be accredited as socially elite and deemed physically in superb health. However, rarely is it necessary to involve interviews or doctors. When we find the right girl from the right family, we just know.”

And that’s not all! “By popular demand, you can also purchase a milk-gargling video performed by a select number of our rich, beautiful, white girls,” the website touts. “If you have purchased the milk + purfied milk delivery package, she will purify the milk on-camera that is delivered to you.” The video includes a custom on-camera message to you from her prior to gargling, “intimate gargling views” of her face, and a handwritten note from her to you “authenticating the milk’s purity.”

SO: what do you think of this? Isn’t it great?

Tags:  #xojane, #cat, #whitepowermilk, #racistfuckery,#certifiedassclowns, #bestscamswhite power milk, racist shenanigans, Fun, shoppables, that’s racist!, ummm…, white people, slow newsday, lmbao, rotf,

Showing 29 comments

  • I feel like barfing right now.
  • Johanna Zablocki
    Me too. Um, “milk gargle” is possibly grosser than “moist panties”. EW!
  • For the record — not that it makes it cool or good or anything like that — but just for the record, it’s an art project by Nate Hill, who was also behind Punch Me Panda. http://hyperallergic.com/25661…
  • Eve Vawter, @evevawter
    You so beat me to it. Nate Hill is pretty amazing, and yeah, I love how people are falling for this/getting horrified and it is striking conversations up about racism
  • HopeinDC
    that’s awesome
  • There is NO WAY this is real! Is it?! Really?! Too cray-cray!
  • Renee, Fashionista wannabe
    I don’t know if this is real, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it is. My friend and I once considered selling our worn socks to men with foot fetishes. LOL
  • The most bizzare and inappropriate thing ever. Compared to this creepy guys on craigslist, who want to buy your worn panties, seem kinda cute and silly. How do people come up with this stuff?
  • jackie alvo
    yes, this is great. If this was a docu intro on netflix ( instant, not mail in) I would be watching it right now.  if only lynx and lamb were somehow involved.
  • Lynx & Lamb have reformed through pot-smoking! They love everyone now
  • I was so obsessed with those prussian blue twins for awhile. Seriously just hoping (praying? kind of) that they would turn out alright.

    The fact that they’re normal now, and ruined their crazy mom’s BBC (think it was BBC, it was a long time ago) documentary by becoming normal AS IT WAS BEING FILMED was too amaing.

  • jessicatice
    Lynx and Lamb! My friend used to live across the street from their mom, for reals. Her front yard is this crazy wildflower garden that makes her look like an awesome hippie or something. BUT she has a pure-white German Shepherd, which is probably worth 1000 Nazi points.
  • jessicatice
    Other neighbors included a lesbian couple and a Jewish couple, so there were some scary on-the-street confrontations with the mom.
  • This is funny, but not a Nate Hill fan
  • Eve Vawter, @evevawter
    Whyyyyyy?Ps: I just namechecked you, someone wants a tutorial on making a pregnant pinata that spews candy bebes
  • Valeria Villarroel, Recent College Grad, who’s media-obsessed. Straddling the line between low-tech and new-tech. Writer. Personality. Fangirl.
    Facials for everyone!
  • I think it’s an awesome way to scam dollar dollar bills out of a-holes.
  • hku
    The first paragraph of this article is beautifully written.
  • glitterforbrains
    Wha??? I have no words.
  • blahblabber

    Where on earth did you find this? Did you have to dig through the bowels of the internet or did you come upon it in the internet’s equivalent of a nasty, clogged-up toilet at a podunk gas station?

    Not that I’m complaining — I admire your skills.  Thanks for providing this little slice of amusing WTF!stupidity.  You’ve made my morning.  This is why you are one of my favorite bloggers!

  • Can I also just say that it was really strange to look into someone’s mouth like that.  (Yes, I looked at pretty much every page).  I’ve never really seen them from that angle, usually just a smile or maybe a tonsil look from above but hm…looks like a weird cave landscape.
  • edotwoods

    This is awesome. I still get super excited when people do art that gets taken seriously.

    My mom is genuinely racist (against Latinos. Weird, right?) so when I was 8 or 9 I decided to hate left handed people and people who had had their tonsils removed, to show her how dumb it was. Took her years to figure out it was a joke.

  • Wow, that is a dedicated mom-burn! Did it work?
  • edotwoods
    Well, I didn’t explain it for years, til she called me used my “discrimination” as evidence that I was a horrible, heard-hearted person. So I explained it, and then she just called me a bitch and said I was an ungrateful daughter. So no? I don’t know, it still cracks me up.
  • Mouths are so gross, this is like the adult version of baby spit-up and I am NOT into that (or racism [part of an art project or not]).
  • FluidAbsolutes
    Am I the only one who assumed this was a very specific fetish that someone had decided to fulfil? ….. If so, I might need to dry-clean my brain.
  • az722
    Is this a joke or for real?
  • justjennie
    some hellified fuckery.

Tags: #xojane, #cat, #whitepowermilk, #racistfuckery,#certifiedassclowns, #bestscams

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

Bay Area “Rapper” Kreayshawn and The White Girl Mob Are Certified Ass Clowns. [#Kreayshawn, #wack,#DJ L1l D3bb, #V-Nasty, #WhiteGirlMob , #NBomb]

30 Aug del fuck wack kreay


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

http://www.v7n.com/forums/attachments/graphic-design-forum/1029d1121804285-ass-clown-award-assclown.jpg

WARNING: :warning:Certified Ass Clown Alert!!!:warning:

“Gucci Gucci, Louis Louis, Fendi Fendi, Prada. Basic Bitches Wear That Shit So I Don’t Even Bother”

via MoMalt

Kreayshawn & White Girl Mob Stir Controversy Over ‘N’ Bomb

Allen Starbury | BallerStatus

The topic first became an issue, when Kreayshawn public tweeted the “N” word, as if it was no big deal.

http://0.tqn.com/d/desktoppub/1/G/v/L/ht-curlyquotes.gifPeople are actin so funny omg lol… I got 200k views… not 200k dollars… WTF YOU WANT FROM A N*GGA?! *DMX VOICE*,” she wrote (@Kreayshawn) in late May, referring to the immediately popularity of her music video.http://www.stareapresei.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/quotation-marks-p1.jpg

Kreayshawn’s White Girl Mob & The N-Word

via Spin

http://0.tqn.com/d/desktoppub/1/G/v/L/ht-curlyquotes.gifLike the Tea Party, White Girl Mob runs on divisiveness. Even their name invites differentiation, suggesting an active disconnect from the rest of hip-hop culture, even as they cherry-pick signifiers to bolster their shaky authenticity. “Gucci Gucci,” and its limp follow-up “Rich Whores,” are both pseudo-classist critiques of wealth and conspicuous consumption that smack of privilege. Kreayshawn may not say “nigga,” but she lacks empathy for hip-hop’s upward mobility narratives, replacing them with a thrift-store chic that’s as clueless and up-its-own-ass as Michelle Bachmann‘s contrived small-town Iowa values.http://www.stareapresei.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/quotation-marks-p1.jpg

Lil DebbieKreayshawn
both~

Kreayshawn: Another Case of Appropriating Black Culture

http://0.tqn.com/d/desktoppub/1/G/v/L/ht-curlyquotes.gifIn Oakland, Asian people will call Mexicans that. A Mexican will call a black dude that. A white person will call an Asian that. Everyone calls each other that,” Kreayshawn continued. “I feel like that word is used in the low-income community more than anything. I can see if I was some rich crazy trick and I was just saying this because it’s hip-hop. I was raised around this. Me and my sisters were all raised around this. People call me that. But personally I’m not flaunting it around.”

“If I’m freestyling and I said it, that’s just for that point in time. Any songs I’m writing I don’t use it,” the rapper explained in an interview with OCWeekly.com.http://www.stareapresei.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/quotation-marks-p1.jpgSOURCE

http://th20.photobucket.com/albums/b236/chchtrain2/th_bitch_please.gif

Elvis Presley was not the originator of rock ‘n’ roll. That would be Chuck Berry. Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” is said to be the first hip-hop song to top the Billboard charts (others argue it was “Rapture” by Blondie). Justin Timberlake went from the pop sensation group ‘N Sync to the soulful singing White boy with swag. My point? America has always capitalized off of Black culture. Kreayshawn, the new White girl rapper, is only the latest byproduct.

Her government name is Natassia Toloz. Complex magazine reported the 21-year-old Oakland native is rumored to have signed a $1 million dollar record deal with Sony Music. The petite, sometimes blonde, sometimes brown-haired rapper, sparked buzz with her hit single “Gucci, Gucci” totaling over 2 million views on YouTube. Like Soulja Boy, she’s young, an Internet sensation and plans on parlaying her popularity into a full-blown rap career. She has denied the rumored record deal, but admits she has been in talks with Sony Music. Whether the ink is already dry or not, she will get a deal.

Kreayshawn (pronounced Cri-shon), possibly a play on creation, is the leader of her squad White Girl Mob. Vigilantly watching her video for the first time, I thought, ‘Is it possible for me to be intrigued, humored and disgusted at the same time?’ The huge gold doorknocker earrings. Her asymmetrical bob cut. Her homegirl rocking a similar cut, but with blonde streaks. The tats, the vernacular, the black dude entourage passing her a blunt. I hoped it was satire, while knowing it wasn’t.

Backed by Odd Future, homies with Lil B and co-signed by Snoop Dogg, I knew a record label executive somewhere saw dollar signs within 30 seconds of watching her. The novelty of a mainstream White female rapper has been nonexistent. It was only a matter of time before a vested interest arose to capitalize off such a rarity. But White rappers are not some new phenomenon. Eminem is arguably one of the best lyrical emcees in the game, Black or White.

White rappers aren’t the problem. Exploitation of Black culture is.

Black culture is diverse with various meanings; and how one defines Black culture varies from individual. In the case of Kreayshawn, I’m referring to her misinterpretation of what she thinks Black culture and hip-hop is.

One could argue she is exactly what hip-hop has become–gimmicky, devoid of substance, whack, the glorification of a street life, sexualized and talentless. If that’s the case, is she appropriating Black culture or just a part of a watered down genre?

I don’t believe for one second her image is authentic. It is one derived of the stereotypical “sister girl” trope we’ve seen time and time again. Understand, I’m not arguing whether “sister girl” actually exists. I’m not even arguing that the “sister girl” is to be shunned. But Kreayshawn’s image, how she carries herself, her lyrics are all derivative of her very limited view of Black culture.

Beside her lack of creativity, the fact that she’s garbage on the mic, the inauthenticity of her persona is unnerving. A Berkley Film School dropout, allegedly from the hood, has found her niche in hip-hop. Perhaps her posturing is homage of sorts to what she grew up seeing. And this is what she believes she must imitate to gain credibility in hip-hop.

But with artists like Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, and B.o.B., isn’t there now a space in hip-hop that exists for rappers to just be themselves without the need for street credibility? Or a trumped up, unoriginal “sister girl” image? I guess we haven’t reached a point where female emcees are afforded the privilege of not having to be either “hood” or sexy.

It’s ironic how the White girl mimicking Black culture has been viewed as quirky, cute, and interesting in the past. But sisters who fashionably rock bamboo earrings, gold nameplate necklaces, and blonde streaked weaves, will inevitably be considered “ghetto” by society. It’s equally problematic that every female emcee post Queen Latifah and MC Lyte who has had massive mainstream success all had to sell sex. Kreayshawn, on the other hand, is able to avoid an over sexualized image because of her whiteness.

It goes without saying that most people don’t take issue with talented White artists excelling in genres Blacks created. We’ve certainly supported artists like Robin Thicke, Amy Winehouse and Eminem. I’d imagine that support was gained from them creating good music and not selling a gimmick.

Clearly I’m not Kreayshawn’s targeted audience, and I’m totally opposed to spending money on a White artist who loosely drops the n-word in casual conversation. My being unimpressed, however, does not negate her following. If only she had gained a following through actual talent, opposed to capitalizing off of a genre and culture she obviously doesn’t care to understand.

Kreayshawn’s existence within hip-hop is a reflection of the very aspects we self-proclaimed hip-hop heads find problematic. She is a result of a genre that was forever changed once America realized there was a huge opportunity to capitalize off of a global influential culture. Kreayshawn, artists like her, and those who co-sign them are all culprits in the auctioning off of our culture to the highest bidder.

On Kreayshawn and the Utility of Black Women

via CRUNK FEMINIST COLLECTIVE

6 Jun

Image of Kreayshawn in the passenger seat of a car next to a black man smoking weed.

“De nigger woman is de mule uh de world…”- Zora Neale Hurston

I grew up in a white suburban/rural community where I was one of a few black kids and the only one in my classes and social circle. In high school, we had this habit of waxing nostalgic for our not so distant youth in a way that made us feel older than we were so at a parties we’d often play songs from our childhood. Well once, Baby Got Back came on and I was rapping along as were a white boy and white girl. A crowd formed around them and folks were cheering them on for knowing most of the words while my flawless performance went unacknowledged. Looking back, I see clearly the messy contradictions of racism (and my own internalization of it) as white folks celebrated their proficiency in repeating a black man’s words of purported celebration of my curves that in general, made me invisible. My blackness rendered my rendition null and void as it was presumed I should be able to reproduce that lyrical dexterity on the spot. It was exceptional when they did it but par for the course for me.

And this is partly why Kreayshawn makes me mad. The White Girl Mob media darling blowing up the interwebs whose potential deal with Sony is making waves makes me angry in a way I haven’t been in a long time. Her appropriative swag is yet another reminder (not that we needed any more this month) of how little black women are valued in our society, even in genres we co-create. In a moment where cool is synonymous with swag, a particular manifestation of black masculinity, Kreayshawn’s dismissiveness and denigration of black women animate her success.

“It’s like tumblr made a video,” said one tumblrite, speaking of the white Cali hipster aesthetics of Kreyashawn’s Gucci Gucci. Replete with Indian medallion, black girl hair cut and color, black men flank her on all sides, lending their cool and legitimacy as she talks stealing bitches, smoking blunts, and realness. Catchy with no substance and ample “I’m so different from them other black girls,” Kreyashawn is the perfect accoutrement to the tortured misogyny of her friends and co-signers Odd Future. For her, calling women bitches and hoes is funny, a category she is somehow exempt from via her whiteness and sometimes queerness. She’s got swag because she fucks bitches too, though she’s quick to point out she’s “not a raging lesbian.”

I think “Hoes on My Dick” perhaps best captures my problems with Kreayshawn and those who dig her.  About a year ago, comedian Andy Milonakis (Who you might remember from his brief MTV fame) and Rapper Lil’ B decided to parody rap music and made the satirical “Hoes on My Dick” which features the choice language “Hoes on my dick cuz I look like Madonna” or “Hoes on my dick cuz I look like grandma.” Anyway, we were supposed to laugh. Ha ha! Isn’t funny/ironic when they say misogynist things when they know it’s wrong? Kreayshawn took their track and made it her own adding her own lyrics, “rapped” (if you could call it that) with all due seriousness and folks love it!

As Crunktastic has already pointed out on this blog, the derogatory slang words used for women imply race. “Hoes” are black and the proverbial punchline (pun intended) for the LA hispster/hip hop mash up sound that music critics are lauding. The supposed *wink wink nudge nudge* associated with their misogynoir is what makes them so edgy and so real. The objectification of black women as a lyrical trope is what makes Kreayshawn interesting. Look at this white girl who talks like a black man! Isn’t she awesome?

And not that black women haven’t tried to appropriate  a type of black masculine cool through a similar practice of denigrating other black women and expressing their allegiance to black men but they have not been as successful. Syd Tha Kid, DJ and beat maker for Odd Future is currently following this path and her queer black masculinity doesn’t seem all that queer when she speaks of women in the same derogatory fashion as her band mates.

Kreayshawn claims Nicole Wray, Missy and Aaliyah as women who inspired and influenced her sound but black women are rarely seen in her circle or videos. I’ve clocked two black women in Kreayshawn’s videos, one a silent love interest, and the other a silent hair stylist. In so far as black women are useful, they exist, though they never get to voice their own reality. It’s incredibly frustrating that the more things change the more things stay the same, that Zora Neal Hurston’s words still ring true today.

Special thanks to Alexsarah and CF’s Sheri & Whitney for talking through this with me!

Apparently Kreayshawn was on the brain today. Check out Clutch Magazine’s take.

Tags: DJ L1l D3bb, V-Nasty, White Girl Mob , Kreayshawn, #NBomb, Certified Ass Clowns, Wiggers, Minstrel Show, Lame Ass Rappers, ClutchMagazine, Crunk Feminist Collective, #bamboozled, #cornyrappers, #hiphopisdead, wack, #hoesitdown, #lamestream

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

OMG, The Stepford Hillbillys in Tennessee Announce an “Official” Police State Debut with HB 300 via [#cineblend, #hb3000, #policestate, #unconstitutional,

21 Aug del tn police state


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

http://www.v7n.com/forums/attachments/graphic-design-forum/1029d1121804285-ass-clown-award-assclown.jpg

WARNING: :warning:Certified Ass Clown Alert!!!:warning:

To voice your displeasure, click this link to send a Tweet to Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam.

-SOURCE: Tennessee law bans ‘distressing images,’ opens your Facebook inbox

Distressing Images

Congratulations Tennessee! Governor Bill Haslam has put your state in the national spotlight and, for once, it has nothing to do with Bonnaroo or how bad the Titans are. The republican executive of the state signed a ban on “distressing images” into law last week that we’re sure constitutional lawyers are going to have a field day with. Anyone who sends or posts an image online (and yes, that includes TwitPics) that they “reasonably should know” would “cause emotional distress” could face several months in jail and thousands of dollars in fines. The best part? Anyone who stumbles across the image is a viable “victim” under the law and the government doesn’t even have to prove any harmful intent. So, Tennessee residents who aren’t cautious enough using Google image search could get a few people in trouble. Another, and perhaps more perturbing, part of the same bill also seeks to circumvent restrictions on obtaining private messages and information from social networking sites without a search warrant. We give it about a month before this gets struck down on obvious grounds that it’s unconstitutional.

http://sophisticatedhipstersdigest.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/assclown.jpg?w=223Tennessee‘s Government Declares Disturbing Internet Images Illegal

Author: Mack Rawden

The road to hell is paved in good intentions, and the path to a police state is chiseled one protective measure at a time. First, they take away your right to share your Netflix password with your wife; then, they impose legislation making it a crime to disseminate disturbing or emotionally harmful images on the internet. Tennessee has had a crazy run of freedom-infringing technology legislation over the last ten days, but it’s hard to imagine this latest naively-conceived disaster won’t be shot down immediately.

http://www.pocomoketattler.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/assclown.jpg

HB 300 is now officially law in Tennessee. It passed with only three dissenting votes in the state legislature and was signed without fanfare or protest, but the unintended ramifications, if unchecked, could potentially affect your internet life. According to Digital Trends, who published an exhaustive and informative write-up, the measure was originally proposed in order to combat intimidation and cyber-bullying. For instance, if a defendant in an upcoming court case sent a .jpg of himself holding a gun to a witness’ GMail, that would now be considered a crime. There’s nothing wrong with that limited scope legislation. Unfortunately, as written, HB 300 allows the government to prosecute anyone who “transmits or displays an image in a manner in which there is a reasonable expectation that the image will be viewed by the victim.”

Perhaps even worse, the legislation requires internet providers and social networking sites to turn over pictures and communications immediately upon government request. Just so we’re clear, HB 300 makes all your internet communication fair game for investigators if you’re accused of disseminating “disturbing images”. Which brings us the next logical point, what the hell is a disturbing image?

http://th20.photobucket.com/albums/b236/chchtrain2/th_bitch_please.gif

When I was younger, prior to the stupid, crafty internet providers allowing you to trace over a hyperlink, my friends and I used to send each other horrible, fucked-up videos and pictures with blatantly misleading hyperlink names. Here’s an example that you should absolutely not click on unless you aren’t at work and have no conscience: Is Britney Spears Losing Weight? I was also very partial to this grotesque and villainous ploy too: You Hear They Found An Unreleased Beatles’ Album? Under the terms of this new legislation, I would have been an internet predator, when in actuality, I was a jackass who deserved retribution. Don’t worry. That comeuppance came with this witty and intelligent dupe from my roommate: Great Tribute Piece On Peter Jennings. That’s right. He used Peter Jennings’ death as way to trick me into watching Asian women vomit on each other. Still makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time.

One man’s vile indecency is another’s joke. That’ll never change, but unless legislation like HB 300 is overturned, the decision of what’s offensive will be taken off the user and given to the government. That’s a fundamentally bad idea. Some people find any nudity disturbing. Other people can’t handle swearing or horror movies. Many of the best movies, LPs and television shows have been called disturbing at one point in time. That line should be drawn by the people.

To voice your displeasure, click this link to send a Tweet to Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam.

Sponsored By:

http://content.bored.com/photos/assclown%2520cereal.jpg

Tags: #cineblend, #hb3000, #policestate, #embarrassment, #twilightzone, #backwards, #crazyasslaws, #sheeple, #mindcontrol, #brainwashing, #cyberstalking, #nwo, #infowars, #prisonplanet, #sovereignman, #vigilantcitizen, #dixieilluminati, #MackRawden, #cyberstalkers, #privacyinvasion, #BillHaslam, #countryfuckery, #certifiedassclowns, #stepfordhillbillys, #ban, #bill,#BillHaslam, #constitution, #distressingimages, #free speech, #FreeSpeech, #images,#law, #offensive,#privacy, #right to privacy, #RightToPrivacy, #search warrant, #SearchWarrant, #social networking, #SocialNetworking, #tennessee, #inbox, #facebook,

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

Presenting This Week’s Daily Double Douchebag Edition of Certified Ass Clowns …Bishop Eddie Longstroke AND his Pulpit Pimp Enabler Kreflo DownLow Dollar [#falseprophets, #sexualpredators, #taxevasion, #tricking, #fraud, #liars]

9 Jun del pimpin'preachers_798941l


Like this at Facebook Be the first in your friends to like it

Buy NOW!!!

http://www.moriah.com.au/textarchive/images/Pulpit-Pimping%20(Medium).jpg

LONGTIME MEMBER OF BISHOP EDDIE LONG‘S CHURCH ASKS THE BISHOP . . . WHAT REALLY HAPPENED???? via MediaTakeout.com

tags: ,

The most haunting comments to this dumb ass story were these :

Latest Comments

CincinnatiRed: WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU FUKKKKING SERIOUS HES A FAGGOTTTT ASSSSS RAPIST WHO LIKES TO PREY ON LIL BOYS AND BUYS JERI CURL WEAVES AND TIGHT ASSSS YEAST INFECTION STRETCH PANTS…. HE NEEDS SOME ONE TO BEAT HIS AZZZZZ OLE CROOKED STEALIN LYING CROOK THATS WHY I WONT STEP FOOT IN A CHURCH AL THEY WANT IS YOUR MONEY AND YOUR BOOTY!!!!
Mon, 06 Jun 2011 07:29:58 -0500

myxy: Damn. These holy rollers need a Fu@king demonstration?! Erect penis went into little brown hole.
Sun, 05 Jun 2011 12:11:03 -0500

PocahontasDiva: E.Longmolester was prolly like “I dumped them and they got mad and snitched! They got laid and paid and I now I’m free to find new boy booty. Let the church say Amen and keep giving me little boy booty chaser money so that I can keep getting in.” Dumb azzes who follow pedophiles and rapists. SMDH at the dumb azz question! I wish folk would find better thangs to do with their money like feed the homeless and orphans and help those who are really sick with realy diseases like cancer,leukemia etc. Not giving no good [EXPLETIVE] rolls royce’s and lambourgini’s!
Sun, 05 Jun 2011 12:05:39 -0500

 

See Also: While We Wait For the New Birth Sunday Sermon, Bishop Eddie Long Is a Solid Example of Why Black Notables Are So Stupid With Crisis Management

http://www.v7n.com/forums/attachments/graphic-design-forum/1029d1121804285-ass-clown-award-assclown.jpg

WARNING: :warning:Certified Ass Clown Alert!!!:warning:

http://theblacksentinel.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/cropped-big-dollar.jpg?w=500

http://sophisticatedhipstersdigest.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/assclown.jpg?w=223CREFLO DOLLAR “ORDERS” FORMER CHURCH MEMBERS TO GO “BACK” TO LONG’S CHURCH via BlackMediaScoop


(blackmediaSCOOP) I don’t know what to say folks, this story continues to unravel in the wrong direction. Just weeks after Atlanta mega church pastor Bishop Eddie Long settled his sex settlement with 4 young men for millions, he is tight for cash and his friends in the pulpit are coming to his defense (not financially that we know of at this hour).

image via weian- fu

Before Sunday service ended, Long begged church members to give MORE money…he wants $500-$1000 donations to use as “seed money” to open satellite churches in Birmingham & Denver.

http://th20.photobucket.com/albums/b236/chchtrain2/th_bitch_please.gif

Now church members and leaders are leaving one by one. However as some former members have found out, there is one pimp in another pulpit who is not leaving his friend.

In a sermon found on YouTube, Creflo Dollar, another Atlanta mega church pastor minimizes the Eddie Long’s sex settlement and demands that former church members return and support Long’s ministry.

Creflo Dollar has a $3 million dollar mansion in Atlanta, $2.4 million dollar condo in Manhattan just to name a few of his goodies, and yet we did not hear him say he was donating a single dime.

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/dailyrft/assclown-3347.jpgWatch as Creflo says Long simply “had a darn car wreck – and he’ll be fine cause he had insurance”! WTH! See BMS told you weeks ago that the insurance company was picking up most of the $15 million dollar settlement. You will truly shake yo head!

So What do you think? Should Creflo Dollar have the right to say what he said? Was he right or wrong?

To the person who contacted blackmediascoop@gmail.com about having more “alleged” photos of LONG & possibly exclusive drama on Creflo – please send our way – we await your voice if you want to be heard.

EMERGENCY POST!! What Do the Long and Dollar Cluster-Cuss Have to Do with Swirling?”

EMERGENCY POST!! What Do the Long and Dollar Cluster-Cuss Have to Do with Swirling?

Listen to all the “sheeple” clapping to this nonsense. I don’t know about ya’ll but I’ve had enough already.

Share on FacebookShare on Facebook

Author : Christelyn Karazin

Author’s Website | Articles from Christelyn Karazin

Last night I called my mom, because I wanted her to listen to this, and since she only has a rudimentary understanding of the “innanets,” this was probably the only way she would catch wind of the fart cloud:

What bull donkey.  Luckily the savvy girls at Madame Noiresummed it up nicely in text:

From Dollar’s sermon: “When you have a wreck you expect for God to forgive you and everyone else. Don’t let the preacher have a wreck, now. Then you become self righteous and you become judgmental and you’re gonna leave the preacher for his wreck when you done had more wrecks. That preacher’s still anointed to do what he was called to do. He just had a wreck. The blood will take care of his issue just like it will take care of yours.”

You can also catch the news here and here.

Bishop $$ urged all of Long’s defected followers to go back, because he didn’t want them, and Long is “his friend.”  One commenter summed it up nice:

Intentionally manipulating young men to his personal sex paradise makes this criminal, not a wreck. And the church standing behind and supporting him is an embarrassment. No better than the Catholic church supporting priests. If these victims were young girls I wonder what the response would be? This is a mirror of how we shield child molesters in most situations, won’t confront them and brush it under the rug despite full knowledge that this shit does permanent damage.

Back to my mom.  Age 71 and a widow, she loves Creflo $$’s church, and has written hefty checks to pay for all those custom-made suits he wears. I thought, HEY! My mom watches that guy religiously. I know she wasn’t kosher with the whole Eddie Long scandal, so I thought this might shake her out of the “prosperity pimp” fog she’s been in for the last decade.

Lawd, no. After she listened to this charlatan, she simply said, “What would Jesus do?”

HEY-SUS take the wheel, because black American people are some of the most easily-persuaded, regressive, un-critically-thinking group, and I dare say that the traditional black church is a key component to perpetuating the ignorance and misery of its people. My mother is one of the brainwashed, so this has a particular effect on me. When she defended Bishop $$ and Long under the guise of “forgiveness,” she lost 15 cool points and 100 minus points of my respect.

But take this line of thinking into the realm of interracial relationships, and you can see the resemblance that precludes black women from putting themselves and their health first (church beats us senseless that we’re supposed to be selfless and long-suffering), we’re to let men lead (no matter how destructive, stupid, arrogant, selfish, infantile, homosexual, narcissistic, sociopathic or psychopathic they are. That’s why it’s OKAY for black men to date and marry interracially, and black women can’t just sit down in a pew and have somebody’s baby, all the while praying until she turns to a skeleton, then a pile of dust while she “waits on the Lawd” to send her a purple unicorn with pink polka dots and a cotton-candy tail.

I don’t know why I bothered to argue with the brainwashed, but me and Mom’s were ping-ponging back and forth about the issue, and then she asked me, “Well, are you a Christian?”

I thought about it. I rewound what it meant to be a “black Christian” in America. How we have more churches on corners in any other racially segregated neighborhood, yet violence is in the black community war zone continues. I see 73-90+% (depending on the area) of black children born out of wedlock, low marriage rates, high infant-mortality rates, perpetual poverty, and all the while prosperity pimp preachers are telling people to give up their welfare money so they can go to heaven.

Then I told her this:

“I’m not your kind of Christian, Mom. So no. I guess I’m not.”

See Also: Does the black church keep black women single? via [#SurvivingDating, #DeborrahCooper, #bwe, #singleblackwomen]

Bishop Long Learns Skeetin’ For Jesus Is Expensive

via DirtyWhorelebrity

Damn, I wish a preacher man would make me suck his dick in the pulpit for Jesus, a bitch like me could use a multi-million dollar payout for coating my throat with skeet.

New Birth Missionary Baptist Church pastor Bishop Eddie Long is paying nearly $25 million to settle claims he fucked four young male parishioners. He has also apologized (privately) to the accusers for fuckin’ them up the ass.

The men are to divide $2.2 million equally and then receive $400,000 in payments until the money is paid out over the next 20 years. The final figure comes to $22 million for the four men and $2.8 million for the plaintiffs’ attorneys.

SOURCE

[http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh1mUuIt80u7Jd47a4]
See Also:

Pulpit Pimps? {Photo Gallery}

Some mega-church pastors are living large, from T.D. Jakes’ $45 million sanctuary to Creflo Dollar’s two Rolls-Royces. Take a look at some of the high-rollers in the pulpit.

http://www.pocomoketattler.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/assclown.jpg

Sponsored By:

http://content.bored.com/photos/assclown%2520cereal.jpg

Tags: #sheeple,#brainwashing, #cults, #sexcults, #gullible, #closethomophobes, #greed, #stuntqueens, #falseprophets, #sexualpredators, #taxevasion, #tricking, #fraud, #liars, #deprogramming, BWE,

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

Daddy Dearest: Apparently The “Chicken Soup For The Soul” Guy, Jack Canfield…Is A Heartless CHICKEN SH*T! via [#N.Y.P. and #A.P., #JackCanfield, #ChickenSoupForTheSoul, #OrenCanfield]

1 Jun OrinCanfield

No ‘Soup’ for us — guru’s kid

By SUSANNAH CAHALAN

Long Past Stopping: A MemoirLong Past Stopping: A Memoir by Oran Canfield
Buy new: $18.97 / Used from: $4.38
Usually ships in 24 hours

The son of best-selling writer Jack Canfield, who penned the touchy-feely “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series, has opened a can of worms with his own scalding memoir of a cold-hearted dad and a dysfunctional upbringing.

“He was the lying, cheating, conniving, manipulative inhuman son of a bitch who had left my mom when I was one and she was six months pregnant,” Oran Canfield spews in “Long Past Stopping,” which hits the shelves Tuesday.

He said his dad abandoned his mom and brother to shack up with a young blond masseuse.

After trouble with drugs and stealing, Oran eventually cleaned himself up. Now he lives in Brooklyn and is a drummer in a band called Child Abuse.

Catherine Nance

‘CHICKEN’ SNIT: Feuding father and son Jack and Oran Canfield.

Surprisingly, he said his father, who couldn’t be reached for comment, loved the memoir.

“It actually repaired the relationship to a degree,” Oran said.

Long Past Stopping 1

Associated Press

In this image released by William Morrow

“Long Past Stopping”, Oren Canfield,

is shown.

BOOK REVIEW: Oran Canfield’s memoir highlights love and family

By Lisa Orkin Emmanuel/ASSOCIATED PRESS

Long Past Stopping”

By Oran Canfield

William Morrow

322 pages, $25.99

Memoirs about dysfunctional families can be funny – and this book is hilarious.

Oran Canfield, son of Jack Canfield of the “Chicken Soup” series, writes about his relationship with his father, who left his pregnant mother for a masseuse; his mother; and his brother.

“Long Past Stopping” has interchanging chapters about his life as an adult and his childhood, which was marked by instability. His mother, unable to care for her two boys for a period of time, sent them to unconventional boarding schools and leaves them under the care of their grandmother. She let Oran join the circus as a juggler. (He won the 1986 International Juggling Convention.) Canfield also lived on a San Francisco compound known as The Farm, where bands would play on a stage over the room where he slept.

Canfield portrays his mother’s quirkiness just by describing the little details, like what she eats for dinner.

“If she had enough broccoli and zucchini left on Friday and Saturday I could usually get some out of her whether I helped or not. Wednesday and Thursday were out of the question since that was when it had reached her favorite consistency.”

Jack Canfield, it seems, wasn’t extremely present in his son’s life until later, when Oran was addicted to heroin. Born in 1974, Oran Canfield attended the San Francisco Art Institute and was a drummer and member in many bands in the 1990s.

During an exchange with a police officer while looking for his father’s home, Canfield says he’s the son of the author of the “Chicken Soup” series. The officer says he has seen one of the books in his parents’ bathroom, but he never read it.

“I haven’t read it either, but that sounds about right,” Canfield said.

Where is the humor?

He delivers newspapers on a unicycle, wins third place in a juggling competition and experiments with drugs in a Mexican police cruiser. At the height of his addiction, he works at random jobs, including restoring pianos and making sex toys. Once, he is so high he doesn’t realize that his finger has gotten sewn onto a piece of leather.

His descriptions are snappy and his side commentary sprinkled with swear words that make you laugh out loud. Although this is not high literature, it is well-written and precise when he remembers his childhood.

An example: “They were a group of crazy pot-smoking, beer drinking, womanizing (no small feat for a juggler), long-haired weirdos, who supported themselves by making juggling equipment.”

He doesn’t hold back when writing about his father.

“I had always thought that his whole self-help shtick was a racket, but his new book exceeded the limits of what I thought was possible in terms of sheer vapidity.”

Canfield tries to kick the drug habit numerous times, and his family tries to help him. He even tries treatment with an experimental hallucinogen, which doesn’t work because right after getting back to San Francisco, he gets high again.

Finally, he is able to stop the drugs. He moves to New York, gets back into playing music and builds a relationship with his father.

“I’ve spent so much of my life blaming my parents for everything I went through, and for the first time – I think from writing this stuff – I’m actually able to see that they really were doing the best they could…”

He says he is sick of hating them. He loves them.

Tags: #N.Y.P. and #A.P., #JackCanfield, #ChickenSoupForTheSoul, #OrenCanfield, #selfhelp. #absenteefathers, #daddydearest, #deadbeatdads, #motivationalgurus, #dysfunctional,

Your animation

http://www.copypastespace.com/myspace-graphics/dividers-page-breaks/images/14~1.gif

SOPHISTICATED HIPSTER's DIGEST™

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 28 other followers

%d bloggers like this: