Happy April Fool’s Day!!!

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Great Pranks For Your Loved Ones:

Stuck In The Bathroom
Remove the bathroom door knob and put it back on the reverse way so the lock is on the outside. Then push the button or turn to lock the door. Remember to leave the door open. Now, whoever is next to use the bathroom, will not even notice this and he will lock himself inside.

Salty Toothpaste
Sprinkle some salt on your victim’s toothbrush. When this person goes to brush their teeth, he or she will get a salty tasted treat.

Shower Before Entering
If you know someone who turns on the shower before actually entering the tub area. Then before their next shower, turn the showerhead so it faces outside the shower area. Most people don’t even look up before turning the nozzle.

Shampoo Shower Prank
Glue a bottle of shampoo to the shower shelf (to avoid damage, use clear caulk on a surface that can be scraped).

Bar Of Soap Lather Prank
Take some nail polish and coat a bar of soap with it. Let it dry. Then put it in the bathroom shower. When your victim tries to use it, he or she will go nuts trying to get it to lather up.

Unable To Open
Glue all the bottles of shampoo shut so they cannot be opened.

Terrible Aim
Sprinkle some water with yellow food coloring all over the toilet seat and floor. It will look like whoever used the toilet before you was a terrible aimer.

Cream Cheese Deodorant
Scrape off about an inch or so of your victim’s deodorant and replace it with cream cheese. It will take a few minutes to sculpt the cheese in place to look like the deodorant. When finished, put the lid back on and back where you found the deodorant. When your victim needs to freshen up again, he will get a cream cheese surprise

Food Coloring In Hand Soap Dispenser
Put some food coloring inside the hand soap dispenser. When your victim tries to wash his hands, they will end up worse than before he decided to wash them.

Urinate Forever
Impress a buddy who is in a room next to the bathroom. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, but along the way get a large bucket with water and take it in with you. Then slowly pour it in the toilet. It will take forever to finish pouring it all in. Your buddy in the room next door will say, “WOW” as he will think you are taking a very very long pee.

So Forgetful
Tape some magnets to the bottom of a cup and the top of your car and drive away. It will look like you forgot to grab your cup off the top before driving off and people all around will try and get your attention and flag you down, while you just laugh and drive.

Cruelty To Animals
Attach a leash to the rear bumper of your victim’s car. When he drives away, other cars driving behind him will think he forgot about his pet that he tied to the bumper.

Change Automobile Settings
While your victim is away from his car, go inside and turn stereo volume to max, turn windsheild wipers on, air conditioner to max, scoot seats all the way up and adjust mirrors.

Wrong Keys
Next time you are with a group of friends and two of your friends have the same type of car…for example both friends have a Volkswagon. Then chances are both Volkswagon keys will look identical. When both of your friends aren’t looking…switch their keys.

Jack Up The Car
Jack up a persons car so the wheels are just barely off the ground, but not enough to be noticable.

Styrofoam Peanuts
Fill your victim’s car with styrofoam peanuts then ask him to go to the store for you.

Bad Cop, No Donut!
You can usually find a bumper sticker at any Novelty Store that reads, “Bad Cop, No Donut!” If you can’t find one, you can just make one yourself. Place it on your bumper and everytime you see a cop. Just drive in front of him. You might want to reduce your speed a bit to make sure he reads it.

Pop!
Put a balloon over the hole of the victim’s exhaust pipe. After he drives away…a few blocks later, he will hear a big POP!!

I Ran Over My Arm
Place a fake rubber or plastic arm under your tire after you park your car. Add a small puddle of fake blood. Then hide one of your arms. When people ask what happened, tell them the car brakes weren’t working

Sorry About The Damage!
Leave a fake note on someone’s car windsheild that reads, “Sorry about the damage i caused to your automobile. Call me and I will be more than happy to pay for the repair” Be sure not to leave a phone number…of course there is no real damage. But the victim doesn’t know this. He or she will look all over for a dent or scratch or something.
Move The Car
When your victim isn’t paying attention. Get his keys and move his car. If he parked out in the street next to the curb. Then just turn the car around so it is now parked the wrong way.

Tire Blowout
Place a blown up balloon under your victim’s tire. When he starts the car up and drives off, he will hear a loud POP!! and think the tire just blew out!

Confetti In The Defrost
Pour some confetti in your victim’s defrost vent and turn it on high.

(SOURCE)

Presenting This Month’s Daily Double Douchebag Edition of Certified Ass Clowns …Bitch Ass George Zimmerman and His “Rent-A-Coon” Joe Oliver Continue To Whore For Right-Wing Propaganda { @sh_digest, #justicefortreyvon, #georgezimmerman, #joeoliver }

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So Twitter is responding to George Zimmerman’s father’s interview on Fox with perhaps the most equitable inappropriate and funny hashtag I’ve seen in quite some time.  I don’t find it myself laughing as much as I am appreciating the complete dearth of credibility in George Zimmerman’s story.  I’m hopeful for an arrest soon provided that is not the end of the story.

via babyboygreen:

WARNING: Certified Ass Clown Alert!!!

According To a Friend, George Zimmerman ‘Couldn’t Stop Crying’ After Killing Trayvon Martin via Gawker

Joe Oliver, Zimmerman’s friend of six years, also attempts to reveal more about the man, who has gone into hiding since the Feb. 26 incident.

image via weian- fu

Oliver told Good Morning America that Zimmerman “couldn’t stop crying” in the days after he’d killed Trayvon, and also suggested that the reality of what he’s done is just beginning to sink in:

Just now he’s becoming aware of how big this has gotten, and that’s why he contacted [lawyer Craig Sonner]. I spoke to him for the first time yesterday, briefly, and it’s just starting to sink in. Up until this point, because he was there and he knows what happened, and because he’s not in jail, he’s been very confident—naively—that this would all blow over. But because only half of the story has gone out, because the evidence won’t be heard until the grand jury convenes, you know, he’s gotta go into hiding. But now he realizes just how big this is.

Oliver also said that he’s “never seen anything” to suggest that Zimmerman is a racist, and also went so far as to suggest that “coon,” the racial epithet heard on the 911 tapes, is actually “goon.” He additionally believes that the screams for help, heard in the background of multiple 911 calls, were coming from Zimmerman. (Other witnesses have claimed otherwise.)

Joe Oliver Exposed via Rolling Out

As previously reported, Joe Oliver told ABC that his friend Zimmerman used a “term of endearment” when he called Martin a “f—— goon” before he shot him, not  a “f—— coon” as many believed.

On March 27, Oliver appeared as a guest on “Last Word” with host Lawrence O’Donell, who accused him of not really knowing Zimmerman.
In a matter of moments, Oliver proved O’Donnell’s point and stumbled over questions about his “close pal”‘ causing O’Donnell to shut him down saying, “You don’t even have a consistent story. You’ve told us you don’t know what his mistakes were; then you tell us he grew from them. There’s so much you don’t know, Joe.”

New York Times columnist Charles Blow who accused Oliver of “playing people like they’re stupid,” and Washington Post columnist Jonathan Capehart also joined in, leaving the former news anchor reeling.

it is not uncommon for former or current professional talking heads to offer their “services” to victim’s families as “family friends” whenever a major news story explodes into the national conscience the way Trayvon’s shooting has.

You would think that the media would be more forthcoming about the fact that they are interviewing one of their own. But they often don’t because they don’t want to jeopardize their access to the victim’s family.

—Sandra Rose News

A PleaTo Abolish Human Safaris { @sh_digest, #humansafaris, #povertyporn, #tourism }

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Human Safaris (also known as tourism)

via Womanist Musings

Biyuti is a bakla Filipina living on stolen Algonquin land. He works to sustain and increase the biyuti of the world through decolonization and through her explorations of the intersections of race with queerness/gender. She also blogs at The Biyuti Collective and you can find her on Twitter: @JustBiyuti.  

Until recently I had never noticed how very creepy white people can sound when they are talking about travelling. I heard a conversation recently about travelling and one participant talked about how they could sit for hours in Mumbai just watching. Watching people. Talking all about how different everything was over there. Which is interesting in light of a story on India on human safaris. On hearing this discussion over tourism and travel, I wonder if there is a substantive difference between going on an actual human safari and any tourism by white people in PoC countries.

Now other people have written about the problems with tourism. And there are many. But I really just want to talk about how creepy it sounds. It is poverty porn, treating cultures of colour like they are commodities to be consumed; it is exotification, etc. This is most visible white photographers taking pictures of poor Black and Brown people (often without consent). But it is also visible in the travel narratives most people use when describing their trips. There is a tendency to focus on differences and to convey aspects that the audience will find shocking (e.g., “What? You can smoke in elevators in China? Amazing! They spit a lot in China? Gross!”). It is othering. And it is creepy as shit.

What is creepy about this voyeuristic consumption is that is almost feels like gloating. It is the white colonial gaze going out into the world and viewing the destruction that they have wrought upon the world. And this is considered a leisure activity. This is something privileged people do when they need a break from their regular lives. Something they do for *fun*.

Of course this isn’t everyone. For some, travel is used as an educational opportunity. How many times have I heard white people in Canada saying that this spoiled white child or other should travel so that they can see what real hardship is like? So that they can better appreciate the privileges they have built on the backs and oppression of PoC? This is a common theme in extolling the ‘virtues’ of travel. It is about becoming more cultured.

And yet, particularly in the cases of consuming pain and oppression for educational reasons, it never crosses their minds that their very action is contributing to the misery that they are viewing. Nor does it seem to cross the minds of white people that they are *responsible* for the misery and oppression that they are consuming. They never appear to learn the lessons that they really need. Instead they go back home feeling grateful for the systems and institution that privileges them. They feel grateful that a child somewhere is starving to death, that a woman is being trafficked, that wars are being waged and people are *dying,* so that they can feel fortunate that they are not poor, not of colour, not other. This is what they learn.

For fun or education, tourism troubles me. It troubles me that all these white people are travelling about the world consuming not only most of the world’s resources but the cultures and misery of PoC the world over.

Then they go back home and tell stories about how ‘amazing,’ ‘interesting,’ and ‘different’ life is in the places they visit. And I’ve noticed a marked difference in the creepy voyeuristic tales of visiting PoC places versus visiting European countries. If they talk about Europe, it is always about the art, architecture, etc., the culture as civilization. This is not how PoC places are talked about. It is always about the ‘natives,’ the strange customs, the exotic food, or whatever.

So creepy and so loaded with racism and colonial attitudes of old.

Absolut Vodka & Swedish House Mafia Collab For Epic ‘Absolut Greyhound’ Commercial { @sh_digest, #absolutgreyhound, #swedishhousemafia }

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Absolut Vodka & Swedish House Mafia Collab For Epic ‘Absolut Greyhound’ Commercial

Absolut Vodka & Swedish House Mafia’s ‘Absolut Greyhound’ Commercial

Swedish vodka brand Absolut has teamed up with electro-house band Swedish House Mafia to deliver a thrilling, futuristic tv spot for its newest mixed-drink, Absolut Greyhound. Made just for Absolut, the band’s intense rhythmic house track, “Greyhound” is available now on iTunes.

“We’re adding music to mixology, and making hit tracks to go with our hit cocktails,” says Jonas Tåhlin, Vice President Global Marketing at The Absolut Company. “We always expect our consumers to remember the taste of a perfect cocktail. Now they are going to remember what it sounds like.”

Created by TBWA/Chiat/Day and directed by Carl Erik Rinsch (The Gift), the commercial—set as a desert masquerade ball—is quite the brilliant visual journey that keeps you watching to the very end.

Swedish House Mafia‘s three DJs Axwell, Steve Angello, and Sebastian Ingrosso engage in a little friendly competition—racing as three robotic greyhounds. Actually, I’m surprised PETA hasn’t loaded up the complaint wagon on this. Anyhoo…

Meanwhile, high-fashion spectators eagerly await the victor and sip the one-part vodka, three-parts grapefruit beverage. When one DJ/dog (in yellow) trips up his the others with some special effects, it causes the DJ/dog in blue to fall and tumble but he regains his footing and all three finish strong.

Absolut has also commissioned Swedish electro-soul group Little Dragon and British alternative pop artist Dan Black to pen Absolut cocktail-inspired tracks over the coming months, so we’re excited to see and hear what’s coming next!

Flat-Pack IKEA House {@sh_digest, #ikeahouse }

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nickoftimela:

Flat-Pack IKEA House: Built & Shipped for Under $100,000

More “Leaked” Details Begin To Surface About the NEW Apple iPhone 5 Prototype. via [#informationweek, #theregister, cnet, #apple, #iphone5]

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SOPHISTICATED HIPSTERS™ MixTRape

Apple’s new iPhone will face its stiffest competition yet from the rival Android OS, which has surged to a 42% share of the smartphone market, according to a ComScore report. In the coming months, a new Android device reportedly called the Nexus Prime is expected to drop and could provide some competition to the iPhone 5. –Information Week 

Photo of leaked iPhone 5 protoype

Deja vu: A prototype of Apple’s iPhone 4 was lost in a bar in California shortly before it was launched, as appears to have happened with a model of the as-yet-unreleased iPhone 5

The iPhone 5 is expected to launch in October, according to prevailing rumor, and is expected to be available on all of the major U.S. carriers, including Sprint, T-Mobile, AT&T, and Verizon. The device will reportedly ship in both 3G and 4G versions, including an LTE model.

Heard this one before? An Apple employee walks into a bar and (in a punchline that’s becoming too familiar to be funny) he leaves his prototype iPhone behind. It may sound like a joke, but apparently it really did happen again.

flickr/wiskinator

Yes, in a story we’ve all heard before, some hipster from Apple went out on the town with the prototype, presumably under the guise of some sort of testing, and then accidentally left it behind, CNET reported. Apparently, the hapless worker was working on the prototype at Mexican bar and restaurant Cava22 in July when the phone went missing, and it may have subsequently been sold on Craigslist for $200. According to a report from CNET, The device was reportedly then sold for $200 on Craigslist, which is a pretty good deal for a yet-to-be-released iPhone 5 with no contract.

Cava22 owner Jose Valle has said that neither the police nor Apple have ever contacted him, although he does remember getting calls about a lost iPhone about a month ago.

“I guess I have to make my drinks a little less strong,” he said.

He may well be right, as according to one of the many reviews of Cava22 on yelp.com: “Lots of tequila. Lots” is on the menu along with some good seafood.

New arrivals: Images of phone parts that have arrived on the Chinese market and are said to relate to the iPhone 5

Given the weeks-long fiasco that last year’s loss of an iPhone 4 prototype–also in a Bay Area bar–had caused (including a police raid on the home of a Gizmodo editor), it’s more than a little surprising that the company would allow a repeat of the incident. The story is an almost exact reprise of the one last year, when a prototype iPhone 4 that had been found in a bar was sold to gadget blog Gizmodo for $5,000. The then-editor Jason Chen and Gizmodo itself got away without facing charges in that incident, though the two men who found and sold the smartphone were charged with misdemeanours. One might expect that this latest story would have to be either a stunt or a hoax, because it’s practically unthinkable that Apple wouldn’t have put measures in place to avoid losing yet another of its prototype devices, particularly given the company’s penchant for Draconian secrecy about forthcoming products. Perhaps Apple workers just need to learn to handle their liquor a little better.

Apple has to wonder if it’s really hiring the cream of the crop when another of its employees manages to leave a another prototype iPhone in a bar. New reports suggest that the little icon used to denote an iPhone on Apple’s Photo Stream beta looks different to that depicting existing iPhones and therefore could be a leaked hint of what the new iPhone will look like. One wonders why Apple ever has to spend any money on marketing.
Your humble blogwatcher curated these bloggy bits for your entertainment.
By Richi Jennings | IT Blogwatch

Greg Sandoval and Declan McCullagh breathlessly claim this exclusive:

[It] went missing in San Francisco’s Mission district in late July [and] sparked a scramble by Apple security to recover the device. … This year’s lost phone…may have been sold on Craigslist for $200.
…
Apple declined to comment. … [T]he San Francisco Police Department said the company did not file a police report. … Apple electronically traced the phone to a…home in San Francisco’s Bernal Heights. … When San Francisco police and Apple’s investigators visited the house…police…search[ed] the house, and they found nothing

Déjà vu much? Paul Hales helps out:

Last time this happened the phone ended up being bought by a…journalist leading to…a ludicrous police raid on the hack’s home.
…
According to…this latest tale of woe – or…incompetence – the phone was left in a…tequila-themed [bar]. … [And] it appears the phone remains out there somewhere.

Hillel Fuld is laughing, apparently:

OK, am I the only one laughing here? I mean, once, I get it, it happens. But losing two mobile devices that are under the highest level of security and for which the absolutely craziest measures of precaution have been taken, in a bar, twice?

John Paczkowski pokes fun:

Apple should really begin requiring signed sobriety pledges from anyone given a prototype. 

And Lore Sjöberg writes from an alternative universe:

Apple has developed a drinking problem. … [P]resumably…the owner was propositioned by an Android smartphone with more “swagger.”
…
[W]hatever flaws iPhones have, they’re gin-proof. … I lost my first Newton to a Singapore Sling in ‘94. … Apple has a suspicious knack for headline-friendly loss incidents. … “Apple Loses…Prototype at a Bar” sounds a lot better than “Blackberry Prototype Lost at Marketing Seminar.”
…
All this is taking place against the backdrop of the departure of Steve Jobs…which has led to widespread speculation as to whether his replacement will have enough chemistry…to carry the trendsetting international company through.
…
What changes will we see at Apple? … [G]iving out product prototypes to forgetful, bar-hopping employees will be…[forbidden] unless at least two publicity agents and a professional photographer are present

But Jonny Evans wonders if it’s true:

It sure makes a great story. … As you might expect, this tale is running worldwide — it is after all especially poignant in light of…the storied status of the two reporters…who share stints at the Washington Post, LA Times, Time and Wired between them.
…
[T]he decisive fact given in the tale is that it is based on the words of one single unnamed source. I’ve been known to cite individual sources…myself, but that a source is individual should be borne in mind when considering the veracity.
…
I’m not saying the story is false, just that it depends on one source.

And Peter Jamison lays down the law:

There’s just one problem: [an] SFPD spokesman…says no records exist of any such activity by [the] SFPD.
…
“[No] record of any such an investigation,”…no records of the visit to Bernal Heights…exist at either…station…which would have handled the incident. … [No] records of any incident involving the address where the search…supposedly took place.
…
[He] related this information…weeks ago, when [the reporter] first called him on the story

So Doug Aamoth implies an implication about Apple PR (or perhaps the bar):

Unfortunately, we have no idea what sort of shrimp ceviche the bar serv—oh, whoops. I glossed right over that part. Lime-marinated shrimp ceviche. It’s right there. … I can’t believe I missed that.

And Nick Farrell comes right out and says it:

Cnet has cleared Apple of carrying out a cheap publicity stunt. … And AP claims It has dusted off an an advertising expert who says it is unlikely [to be] a publicity stunt…claim[ing] that stunts like that are not in Apple’s DNA and…weren’t necessary. Apple just has to fart…and fanboy drones will start queuing.
…
Apple also goes to great lengths to keep its pre-release products secret. … Tame Journalists were allowed to see the iPad in advance, but…were fitted with neck collars which would sever their heads if they tried to leave the room. …. Well something like that.

SOURCES: iPhone 5 Lost In Bar? Say It Ain’t So ♦ Prototype iPhone 5 lost in bar, right on schedule ♦ iPhone 5 lost in bar — or just a stunt?

Tags: Apple, iPhone5, CNET, Robert Strohmeyer, InformationWeek, The Register, Brid-Aine Parnell, iPhone5 prototype, yelp, San Francisco, Mission District, Cava22, Jose Valle, Richi Jennings, IT Blogwatch,

Get Some Fake Eyelashes For Your Car via [#Geekology, #carlashes, #fakeeyelashes, #autoaccessories]

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SOPHISTICATED HIPSTERS™ MixTape

Carlashes are eyelashes for your car (to compliment the thong). They’re $25/pair (plus an extra $20 if you want crystal-stud “eyeliner”), and aimed at the women who already have enough trouble driving without constantly wondering if everybody is noticing how cute their car looks. Completely unacceptable. That said, somebody’s about to have the prettiest Explorer in Los Angeles!

Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures in case you’re actually wondering if Carlashes are right for you (no, they’re not).

Official Site

Thanks to Jordan, who sold car lipstick until he found out it catches fire in direct sunlight. Woops.

Tags:#Geekology, #carlashes, #fakeeyelashes, #autoaccessories